beavertribuneThe news broke late last night on Radio Shit-Stack that Jesus Chirst, (who previously gained some measure of popularity playing the Son of God) did not infact just fall out of favour after all, as some observers had thought he would do after “dying on the Cross”, back in the year nought.
Instead Jesus has remained active in saving nature, fighting evil spirits and is now apparently attempting to carve out a career in the retailing business. The miraculous discovery was made by Carrie Slagg when Jesus came for a job interview at “The ‘Lil Light Shop” on East Central Avenue, Wichita.
“Right off, I knew Jesus was like was different. The welfare office sent him in September, originally just to do the trash, within maybe four weeks we had him stacking shelves. That’s impossible it can take your average mid American maybe like six years to be at that level”.
What about miracles we enquired? “He’s good with a screwdriver and fuses too. Al Murray over the back had the whole ground floor of his offices blow a few weeks back. Jesus had managed to replace maybe thirty bulbs in just a few hours. That’s got to be a miracle right!.”
Jesus who was off sick today was not proving quite as popular with some of the customers however we learnt. “Well no not yet, he’s staying with me just now and yes we’re having a relationship. He’s still got to really kick the crystal Meth addiction before he can really relate to people again though and he gets sick quite a lot actually, and steals little things but hey I love him.”
When we asked if Carrie was the same Carrie Slagg who had picked up and befriended homeless drifter and part-time serial Killer Horace Orwell reporting him to be Spiderman Carrie’s attitude changed. “Horace used me and stole one of my credit cards, Spiderman would never do something like that, no matter how much he loved me.”